Friday, November 1, 2013

Core passions: changes to come

I'ts been 20 days since I've posted anything. A lot of conflicting thoughts have been jumping around in my head.

I should post on my blog.           I should delete my blog.

                         But I love writing on my blog.            
      My blog is pointless.
            I hate blogging.            I love blogging.
What the heck am I doing.     What's my purpose in posting again?      
      Yipppeee.        AAAhhhh.   I want to write to help people.      
                                                                                               I'm horrible at writing.
                          I think I'll write a novel today.
                                                                                       Wait what? 

I've been thinking about what I want my blog to be and what I don't want my blog to be. Or if I even want a blog. I first started writing on here to document my memories and to encourage others. Along the way I realized my blog became a hindering block in my growth. I struggle with insecurities, I struggle with comparing myself, I struggle with finding my acceptance through others. 

I haven't wanted to think about my blog, because when I did, I didn't feel good enough. I thought back to my first post: "People can misuse blogs by reading others' blogs and comparing their life to the blogger's life." And this is exactly what I did. I compared myself to other writers and bloggers. I felt unworthy and insignificant. 

I also felt ridiculous for feeling these intense emotions from something as minute as a blog. Although, I felt ridiculous I knew what I was feeling was important and needed to change.

I don't know how many people read my blog, but what I do know is it doesn't matter if it's one or 100 readers. I am passionate about writing and I know somehow God wants me to use it to glorify Him. My blog may one day reach many people or it might not. Either way it is a stepping stone on my journey as a writer and a person, and I am thankful.

So, where do I go from here? What do I want my blog to be? 
Since I was about five years old I have been intrigued by people and their stories. I would sit wide eyed in my my grandma's chair and listen to her tell stories. I would sit nestled in my bed, with a book in hand, and read stories for hours. In third grade, my favorite part of the day was free write. I filled up countless papers with my number 2 pencil. I am now 20 and my core passions have stayed the same: people's stories are important and I want to be apart of sharing these stories. 

I am intrigued by the way God connects us with one another through stories. Growth, inspiration, and healing comes from writing and reading stories.

I want my blog to be a place where stories are told. Stories that seem small, but have a big impact. Stories that deal with hard issues. Stories of redemption. Stories of hurt and happiness. Stories from people like you and me. Stories from people not like you and me. Stories that impact. 

I don't know what all of this will look like, but one thing at a time, right? 

My goals?

I want to share my journey. I want to connect with people who are willing to share their journey. 

My blog name may change, it might not. The look of my blog may change slightly, or dramatically.

I will not compare my blogs to others. My writing is my writing. My passions are my passions. I am me, and I don't have to be anyone else. 

I don't have it all figured out, but this is where I am right now. And, I'm excited!

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