Monday, August 17, 2015

Empty-handed and free

Top: H&M (similar)// Lace cardigan: Azkara (similar)// Pants: Kohl's (similar)

Since May, when I walked off stage with my cap and gown, life has felt out of control. Everything I try to get a grip on feels too heavy (even my iPhone, which took a plunge to the cement-- now sporting chips and cracks). And yet, with clenched fists, I keep trying to hold on to it all. Over and over, I do this and I am left exhausted and frustrated-- my hands and heart aching. 

Things that should leave me with joy, leave me drained: graduating college, planning a wedding, getting a job, even . . .writing. We have a vision of how things will look and go, but eventually that vision begins to blur. Mid May was the start of my vision's blur and now I'm left with a smudge I can barely make out. But it's this smudge and my slipping grip that's saving me. I was never suppose to hold onto anything. When I finally listen I hear God saying, "Child I hold everything, including you, release your grip. It is okay. Release your grip."

It is okay to just be. It is okay to write only a few words when that's all you want to say. It is okay for your vision to blur.  

And so, I am releasing everything-- letting it all hit the ground and shatter into pieces. Pieces I know I cannot make out, which is both terrifying and freeing. I tried so hard to be in control by holding on, as if it that showed I wasn't giving up. But here I am empty-handed, knowing I am weak and I have never felt more free. Because those pieces are not left to be walked over or stepped on, but picked up by the one who holds everything. 


  1. I don't know how I missed this post when you published it, but it is so beautiful! I needed the reminder that when things get too heavy it's ok to let them go. Sometimes inspiration to write isn't there for me either- and in those moments it's best just to step back I think. Thank you for your words- they encouraged me this morning!

    1. Thank you for your kind words! I'm so glad you were encouraged! It's amazing what happens when you just sit still and realize God has all of it.